Breathing in and feeling the cool air enter my nostrils, breathing out and feeling the warm air leave. Here I am again, in the present, checking in, even if it’s just for a moment. Life continues to whirl around like it always does, and I find myself pausing in the present moment. At this point in my life I find grief being a new visitor and really making herself comfortable in my home. One year of my beautiful young friends passing as well as the more recent transition of my paternal grandmother. In my early thirties, and experiencing lots of changes in friendships, and family dynamics. I find myself not only practicing the pause in the present, but utilizing it as a tool to intentionally connect to my inner peace and faith. Once a stranger and now more of a friend grief, as well as the support of family and friends have lead me to cultivate deep roots in my faith. Faith in the one, faith in God, faith in great spirit. I feel its all the same and get so frustrated and confused as to why we cant just all get along.
Currently, my maternal grandmother is slowly regaining her strength back after dealing with a bout of covid. And I find this time to be different, in and out of the hospital, in and out of skilled nursing, dealing with insurance companies, navigating dissociated and fatigued medical staff, this is nothing new. What is new, what is different, is the pause. The pause to not only go through it but enjoy the time with my grandmother, who by the way just turned 83 yrs of age, and take the time to laugh with her and show up as often as I can. Offering support to her by advocating for her, and offering support to my mom, aunt, and grandfather who show up every single day. I know we are not alone in this as the silent generation and baby boomers are now moving into or already in elder status.
A common theme I hear among friends I hear about and see is this heavy energy we all feel. As I began to sit with this in my own life and start to get curious around what we are all experiencing. I’ve come to the conclusion that what is happening internally and locally is also being reflected externally. I’m talking about the heaviness of the genocide in Gaza, the oppression in the Sudan, here in the United States communities overwhelmed by disease and attempts at suppression of speech. There has been much divide, and as I take intentional moments to pause, to breath, to connect with the present moment I feel revived. And reminded of my power, power in my voice, power in my choice, and power in my faith. It’s not easy, as walking through the fire never is, however now it feels as though this illusion of division is actually unity. Unity in we all feel this pain, the pain of our brothers and sisters in Gaza, the pain of our Latin and LGBTQ+ communities being targeted. And if we are all united in our pain then when we pause and as we breath, as you and I exist here and now, we are all united in our peace. In the lesson of our present moment.
All my love,
Kaeli Iolani